"You can look me in my eyes, see I'm ready for whatever. Any thing that don't kill me, make me better...."
On Monday March 21st 2011 I had emergency surgery to repair a hernia which reoccurred a few weeks earlier. However this hernia was extremely dangerous as it caused me to be diagnosed with severe cases of colitis & pancreatitis which are the swelling of the large intestine & pancreas respectively. Though this injury & subsequent illnesses were not life threatening the complications from them were immense to the point where I almost lost my right testicle. I was told in 2008(when I had the 1st hernia procedure) that said hernia would mostly likely reoccur & when it did I had my surgery scheduled for the end of April '11 but on Thursday March 17th the 1st day of the NCAA Men's basketball tourney, I was in my office & just began vomiting out of nowhere. I decided to go home early & even took the next day(Friday) off in hopes it was just a 24hr bug but alas it was not. I began vomiting even more, usually your shoulders just become heavy when you throw up but these regurgitation's were violent. It felt as if my ribs were collapsing & I had absolutely no control of my bodily functions at this time. Still stubborn, I chose to stay home & in bed until Sunday when I woke up & could barely finish a glass of water without a reflux. Fast forward the 3hr wait in the ER, the physician & nurses I that attended to me all agreed that I had no option but to be operated on asap. Surgeon comes in after my CT scans & tells me my large intestine protruded my stomach in such a way that it was lodged in the top of my scrotum & entangled with my right scrotum & I had to sign a form of consent acknowledging I am coherent & agree to the terms of this surgery & possible subsequent ill affects. Surgery is performed & THANK GOD everything goes perfect. I wake up completely loopy from being drugged & all I remember asking is if I was alive. Very surreal feeling & moment that I will surely never forget. I woke up thinking I was dead, thankfully I am here & can't be convinced that there isn't a reason I am. Another proverbial bullet dodged. I was in the hospital for another week following the surgery, with scars on my groin & belly button from the incisions made during surgery. Parts of my body swollen & pain in those body parts I would not wish on anyone. However I couldn't find it in me to complain about anything because as the nurses were trying to help me regain my bearings & walk again(which I wasn't suppose to really do until 2 weeks after surgery but I'm a stubborn Haitian) there was an 8 year old girl with diabetes on my floor who had to get her foot amputated. The pain I saw in her parents face did more damage to me then anything physical could ever affect me. I don't have any children & if not for this surgery I might not have had any. "They" say God works in mysterious ways & selfishly I took this little girl's foot amputation as a sign that I need to settle down & build a family. I have my nephew & when I got out the hospital it hurt seeing him cry because I couldn't pick him up, so I could not even truly imagine what it would feel like having my own child, half my blood, body, mind & soul having to get anything amputated or worse. The whole process was just an eye opener for me. Seeing the ambulances, doctors & such just took me to the biggest regret of my life. My grandmother passed away in January of 2004 & I didn't go to the hospital when she passed because I couldn't "handle" it as if it was all about me instead of being there amongst my family. About 2 years later I got her name tattooed on my right hand because the last time I saw her alive I was carrying her down the stairs & I last touched her alive with my right hand, so THAT is why I have my hand tatted & my left hand reads RESPECT because in creole she would always say "Show Respect" or "Respect Yourself". It's crazy how one thing happens & you begin to reflect on everything in life & see shit a different way. Will I be a hypocrite, I'm sure I will sooner than later but I'm only human & I am making sure that I show appreciation to everybody & everything that I've come across in my life. I just ask that after reading this that everyone call, text or go see the people who you love & tell them because regardless of "what's understood, doesn't have to be said" those words hold weight & mean a lot & can change someones day around for the better. And to that little girl & her family though they won't read this, just know I won't ever complain about the trivial bullshit that consumes so many in every walk of life (no pun intended). I appreciate whoever took time out of their day to read this. I know there's a plan for me, as there is for all of us.
"......if God's with me who can be against me sucka, can't make me suffer, just make me tougher."
The book end quotes are from T.I.'s MOTIVATION off his 2004 album Urban Legend.
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